Mother's Day - Memories and Doubts

So I'm back once again. It has been a while since I have written and I really want to try and make this at least a weekly thing. Daily just seems so impossible at this point but I would love to be able to so that.

First let me preface this post by saying I have nothing but love for my children. They are the light in my life and I give thanks to my Heavenly Father everyday for choosing me to be their mother.

So yesterday was Mother's Day and started out to be one of the worst days I have had since having children. So sad right? Scott had to work 7-4, not his fault, but there were no breakfasts in bed or sleeping in for this mama. It was business as usual, up at the crack of dawn, making breakfasts, and watching cartoons kind of morning for me. The only difference was my children (Hunter, age 3 and Grant, age 1) suddenly became the worse versions of themselves. Grant kept wanting everything Hunter had and would throw huge tantrums if he didn't get it and Hunter turned into the Hulk and was pushing and shoving Grant every chance he got. By 1030 in the morning Hunter had already been in timeout countless times, not to mention we had to leave for church in an hour an a half and none of us had even showered. I was trying to get the kids in the bath as both of them are screaming/crying and that's when it happened...I CRACKED! I just started sobbing, crying and just couldn't stop for about 5 minutes. Here it was Mother's Day, I was supposed to be relishing in the fact that I was blessed with two beautiful children and thankful for the privilege to be there mother and for a moment I wanted anything but that. What mother feels that way on Mother's Day. After I called my mother for words of encouragement, I pulled myself together and moved forward with what needed to be done, because that as mothers is what we do.

The rest of the day went much better and we had such a wonderful day with my family celebrating myself, my mom, my sister and my Nana. I am so lucky to have these 3 women in my life. They are such beautiful examples of true motherhood and I strive to be more like them everyday. Although, the rest of the day got better and we made such great memories together, I had an overwhelming guilt in my heart on how I felt earlier in the day. I love my children so much and I never want them to think any different. Last night I prayed sincerely to our Heavenly Father to let me know if I was doing a good job as a mother because lately I have been questioning my abilities as a mother. As always he answered my prayer so simply and in the most blatant way.

I was speaking with a fellow co-worker this morning (who is also a mother of 2) about my Mothers Day and the insecurities I was feeling. She told me about the sermon her pastor gave yesterday and he said, when we begin to question our ability as a mother we must remember we were the Lords first and best choice for our children. That put so much in perspective for me. Of course, these children were put in my life because they need me and I am the best choice for them. If he didn't think I was the best or capable, he would have not given me Hunter or Grant and how thankful I am that he felt I was the best choice for them. In all honesty I believe they are the best choice for me. 

Another thing she said her pastor talked about and showed was this video that interviewed mothers on how they felt they were as mothers. Not one of them said anything positive about themselves. Everyone of them said they could be better at something. Then they interviewed their children and every single child was overjoyed to speak on how wonderful their mother was. While watching this I was brought to tears because I wasn't the only one questioning my abilities and to know no matter what my children love me unconditionally. I am going to put the video on her so you can watch. I hope it brings you the same feelings of peace that it brought to me. It was a true answer to my prayers.

All in all Mothers Day really reminded me what it is to be a mother. Through all trials and challenges, I love my children. They not only make me the person I am, but continually make me want to be better for them.

I also have to thank Scott for making the day special (once he got home). I love my gift but I especially love the love and devotion you give to our family. Dont know what we would do without you. 

Now for the pictures :)